


A Man and his Goat

by et_cant_phone_home_no_signal



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, I don't, Lil' Bleater being a lil shit, don't treat this too seriously lmao, probably a bit OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24943870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/et_cant_phone_home_no_signal/pseuds/et_cant_phone_home_no_signal
Summary: It's been said that Witchers have no feelings... These people have never met a Witcher that's lost his beloved goat.(Or, the crack fic where Eskel looks for Lil' Bleater, and finds her where he least expects to)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	A Man and his Goat

**Author's Note:**

> So my friend Cordi drew a beautiful DTIYS with Eskel and Lil' Bleater, and I tried drawing for it but I haven't drawn in months and I don't have a style, so I wrote this instead because I still wanted to do something with it! 
> 
> I wouldn't treat this too seriously, it's mostly just a bit of crack lmao, I just love Eskel and Lil' Bleater.
> 
> Check out the end of the fic to see the art that inspired this fic!! Cordi's insta is @galraart, check out her other work!

It has been said that Witchers do not feel. That they have no emotions and are not affected by the tragic affliction of love or caring for others. Whoever started these rumours had clearly never met a Witcher themselves, especially not one called Eskel who was currently running himself ragged up and down the slopes of Kaer Morhen valley looking for his beloved lost goat. You see, it’s not that Witchers don’t feel, that would be damn near impossible to achieve, even with their mutations. No, it was more of a safety precaution for both normal humans and Witchers alike. People believe Witchers don’t have emotions and cannot feel, so they believe they are more capable of finishing the job at hand. Witchers are told from a young age that the mutations numb their emotions and that they have no reason to feel, so they do not get attached to people and other things as easily. All of this is of course bullshit, and even though the mutations do affect their capabilities to process emotion, they are certainly not devoid of it. Back to Eskel as an example.

The Witcher Eskel is a common sight up in Kaer Morhen, especially come the winter, as he visits near every year to see the few brothers he has left as well as his only surviving mentor. One winter as he came up the path, he found a small goat hiding in the underbush. It was shivering from the cold and near starving, so Eskel picked it up and carried it to the keep. From then on, the two became inseparable. He dubbed the goat Lil’ Bleater, for despite her small size, she had a huge set of lungs and would bleat whenever she could (much to Lambert and Geralt’s dismay, Vesemir was used to keeping goats and other animals and wasn’t as bothered by it). When performing menial tasks, Eskel would often find himself accompanied by Lil’ Bleater and he would converse with her as if she were another human being. Needless to say, they had a very special friendship.

The years passed by and Lil’ Bleater remained in Kaer Morhen, the others having been forbidden to kill her for meat and hide, else they faced Eskel’s wrath. Vesemir was happy to keep the goat, as it meant a steady supply of milk and company, though Lambert took some time getting used to the small, sassy goat. When Eskel warned Geralt not to harm her, he simply shrugged, used to his brother’s shenanigans, and asked if he would come on a kikimore hunt.

So, with all that said, surely it is understandable why Eskel would be so distraught at losing his beloved goat and spending many sleepless nights looking for her. His brothers and mentor had helped at first, spending a few days searching the valley with him, but they soon grew tired of the seemingly impossible task and returned to the keep. Eskel refused to give up and remained in the valley, yelling for his beloved goat and honing his senses to his limit. He kept looking for her, even as winter truly started to set in, and would have kept at it until the snow had become impassable, had Geralt not come to collect him. Despite that Eskel was cold and tired from his search, he still put up a fight when his brother told him to come back. Eventually, Geralt had enough and slung Eskel over his shoulder, grumbling as he carried him through the snow down to his horse. Eskel would have fought him harder, but he was weak and tired and actually, Geralt’s shoulder was relatively comfortable, perhaps he could just close his eyes for a minute…

Geralt’s relief at having his brother safe and asleep across his shoulder didn’t last long, as when they came back to the keep, Eskel woke and threw the hissy fit of the year. He yelled and swore so loudly that the others came down from inside the keep to the courtyard to find out what the hell was going on. After Vesemir took them both by the scruff (literally) and told them off, Lambert let out a terrible laugh that sounded mildly manic.

“Guys… You’re not gonna believe this.”

Everyone turned to look at Lambert, who was pointing his finger towards the upper courtyard. They followed his gaze and froze at what they saw. Standing there, happy as a clam, was Lil’ Bleater herself. All the Witchers let out a loud groan of both utter relief and complete annoyance, whereas Eskel let out a rather uncharacteristic squeal of delight. He rushed up to her and hugged her close, muttering things under his breath that sounded too much like ‘I’m so glad you’re safe’ and ‘it’s alright little one’ and other various sentences. As Geralt passed on his way into the main hall, he slapped Eskel hard on the back of his head, grumbling that he’d lynch him if he ever had to deal with this sort of thing again.

Eskel ignored them all and hoisted his darling goat into his arms, looking chuffed to bits at having his baby back. The world could rot for all he cared, he was just happy his goat was safe.

“Don’t run off like that again, okay? You had me worried about you.”

Eskel stroked her head lovingly and Lil’ Bleater replied in the one way she knew how: she bleated.

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao what a bunch of losers, I love them all
> 
> my tumblr for those interested: et_cant_phone_home_no_signal


End file.
